Play Hard, Have Fun

I had the sweetest moment with one of my boys recently. I don’t share much about them here, but this story is the rare jewel that bears repeating. After watching some younger kids play soccer on an (extremely early) Saturday morning, we talked about one of my favorite soccer memories of him. For an entire season when he was tiny, he refused to kick the soccer ball. He loved being on a team. He really loved the post-game snacks. Yet as he ran the length of the field surrounded by his buddies, he smiled wide and looked backward the entire time. He was fixated on his superhero arms. He didn’t kick the ball once, but he was the most joyous kid on the pitch.

We looked at old pictures of him while we hopscotched between games. “I loved it,” I told him. “I loved watching you play even when you only wanted to play your way.”

He’s an accomplished soccer player now. I’m amazed by things he can do with his feet. His eyes constantly scan, and he’s intensely focused on the game even when he’s on the bench. I do my best to never miss a moment. When he had an incredible assist, I clapped and shouted his name (as I do) - but I wasn’t surprised by it. He and his teammates never cease to amaze me.

When he looked back at me, grinned, and tore off down the field with his superhero arms extended, though? I nearly cried. He recreated a moment I was certain I’d never see again.

My son watching the younger kids play.  September 2024. 

My husband has coached our boys and so many other kids for years. Before every single game, I hear him shout, “Play hard, have fun.” As they’ve grown older, as the pressure to perform and the time commitment and the drills have all become more intense, I’ve come to love the phrase even more. I’m grateful that he and their other coaches remind them that it’s meant to be fun, that games should be joyful even when they’re no longer only that.

I’m not sure when the fun starts to slip away exactly. We all have our unwieldly paths in adulthood, each one filled with work and play, suffering and joy. For better or worse, this ride of ours is equal parts magic and mundane.

I do know that, in my author life, I’m a bit amazed that no one wants to talk about the fun part. I’m asked often how I wrote a book with four kids, while juggling other writing projects. They want to hear about the early mornings and late nights. They want to know about my grind. And don’t get me wrong: creative work is real work. There’s stamina, discipline, and the crucial bum-in-chair requirement that one show up.

But there’s a joyful element, too. Mr. Rogers famously said that: “[p]lay is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning. Play is really the work of childhood.”

Maybe the work of adulthood is finding a way to play again. Personally, I’ve always loved to play with words. I’m not precious about them. I love them as much when I’m synthesizing research or crafting questions for interviews, as I do when I’m writing fiction. Scientists refer to this sense of intense (joyful) focus as the flow state. Everyone’s access point to their flow will be different. I know that I can get there quickest through music, ritual, and by taking breaks when I feel burned out. I used to get my best ideas in the shower; now I get them when I’m chasing my kids. You probably have your own hack for accessing your flow state, and I’d love to hear about it.

I think it’s important that, whatever we do, we keep our playful spirits. So, I’m going to take a minute to acknowledge that publishing a book has been one of the most intensely joyful experiences of my life. Watching the characters in my mind take on new life in a book that others actually choose to read? It’s surreal - and it’s so, so fun. I’ve always loved talking about books with people. I still can’t believe I’m now talking about mine.

The most gratifying (and fun!) aspect of publishing a book has been connecting with readers. To that end, I’ll be signing books at the Barnes & Noble in Rehoboth Beach next weekend. You can find me there at noon on October 12th. If you’re inclined to come out and say hi, I’d love to see you. I feel incredibly honored to be signing books in a community that’s so close to my heart.

It’s been a grind (lots of early mornings and late nights) to get here, but I’m headed to the beach in the off-season to sign my book. It’s an absolute dream come true. What could be more fun than that?